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Cherry Blogs Mark

House of the rising sun

Posted: 15-05-2008 15:27:01
Is just on the office stereo. It's a classic song, one of my faves if I'm honest, and when coupled with one of my favorite films Casino = one of the greatest moments ever committed to celluloid.

Check it here.

A couple of tunes of the day for you

Pryda - Pjanoo
Is being played quite a bit by DJ's at the mo but is still a great tune.

Martin Eyerer & Oliver Klein - Babylon (Original Mix)
Am quite enjoying stuff by Martin Eyerer and this certainly doesnt disappoint, its quite minimal but very good nontheless.

Nathan Fake - Long Sunny
I posted some Nathan Fake about a month or so ago (Sky was pink i think) but this track leads more to A shoegazery saturation of strings, quite lush.

Jon Hopkins - Cold out there
If its lush yer after then Jon Hopkins is definatly king, i've got quite a few of his tracks lost amongst compilation CD's this being one of them, must get some more of his work.

Finally a tune I heard in HMV last weekend whilst i was browsing round and the more and more i heard it the more i thought it sounded great, but i had no idea who it was. Then the following day we went to Imran & Amy's and sat in the garden listening to music and he played it - I love it.
dan le sac Vs Scroobius Pip - Angels


Sex and the City

Posted: 13-05-2008 09:18:59
An achingly unfunny show about 3 hookers and their mom, fronted by an androgynous Shergar lookalike with a face like a wet flannel hanging off a door knob.

And with women wittering incessantly about how much of a style icon Shergar is when in fact she looked like she had sprinted through Coco the clowns' wardrobe covered in glue, it just won't go away, and now it appears that they have made a film about these talentless harlots slutting it around New York.

Well I tell you I certainly won't be watching especially having seen the christ awful witches promoting it in the UK. Did you see the state of Shergar!!!

Talk about mutton dressed as death.

Isnt it lovely

Posted: 12-05-2008 14:07:13
The weather that is. I know lots of people are talking about it, but still its a welcome start to the summer. I know yesterday i was sweating like a scouser in Dixons but still its a pleasent change.

Usual lazy weekend for me, didnt really do much except walking around in the sun, shop and watch films. For dinner on saturday we had a lovely piece of fish with new potatoes a little salad with Pea Puree and Lime Mayo it was lush, I knicked the puree recipe off that little fat chef who looks like he's straight out of Lord of the Rings. He might have a face like a dropped meat pie but he sure knows his pea puree.

I am starting to notice that I am not getting the rage as much due to the fact that we aren't watching TV much. The worlds fattest idiot Chris Moyles still makes my blood boil in the morning (as sadie wants it on our radio alarm clock) but apart from that I feel quite chilled.

I will say Madonna was a pile of tosh on one big weekend though. Miming badly and dancing like an aged aunt with a new hip trying to pull a greek waiter on holiday, it was quite pitiful to watch, also who's her stylist for christ sake, Stevie Wonder?

Also that guitar business with her trying to get feedback by humping the amp, to me smacked a little of Bruce Forsyth doing his same old little dance routine in an "I've still got it" moment when secretly you know he's sobbing inside as he realises he's just fractured an ankle again.

Happy Birthday to me

Posted: 09-05-2008 10:04:25
Well I have a lovely birthday, big thanks to all who bought me gifts and pressies.

Not only did we all have lunch at the chinese round the corner but we then went on to the newley refurbed Lord Clifdon for a pint. Then on the way back to the office stopped off at the Rosa Villa Tavern for a slightly sour Bombadier (as matt had never been in).

Then Sadie picked me up and took me straight to the pub to and met some mates and opened my cards. Then back home for the loaf traditional birthday lunch of Sausage Egg chips and Beans which was magic.

Then to round off the evening we went to another pub and sat in the garden with some friends, It was all lovely.

Favorite present has to be 'Daves Burning Nuts' which are the most gorgous spicy peanuts in the world and are incredibly hot.

















Weirdest gift was some Japanese nodding figure that nods or shakes its head when you ask it a question (although you cant seem to switch it off and it nods along to the stereo).

So big shout out to everyone and taverymuchloike.

Shroomin'

Posted: 06-05-2008 10:01:46
On Saturday after a bit of shopping we went over to the Arboretum and picked mushrooms. The ones we were looking for were called 'St Georges day' and we found loads. So much so that we went back and had mushroom risotto, then mushrooms on toast for breakfast the following day, then mushroom soup on Monday, they rocked.

We also took advantage of having Ed's car for the weekend and bought a the wardrobe for the Nursery which was a bonus, it's still like trying to manouver a boat around though.

I also watched Bee movie which was ace and highly recommended, as was the new National Treasure movie with Nick Cage. I also went to a pub quiz in some backstreet pub hidden in Caldmore, it was great and we came a respectable second. The Glenmorangie was only £1.20 a shot as well!!

Chaka Khan

Posted: 02-05-2008 16:48:04
Is on the stereo as i write this. It reminds me of going to Bloxwich baths for the disco in 1984, walking around with a bit of lino for some reason.

Anyway talking of rave goodness (which we wern't). Last night whilst looking at youchoob, I came across two parts of the dance genre which couldn't be more diverse.

First up we have a 1989 rave love in, featuring people in ridiculous clothes all mashed out of their brains and gurning like simpletons in a field in Surrey.

Check it here

Second up we have some rave called Ghost Town featuring Dark Raver - Christ i'm glad I missed this one, these people are very 'special'.

Check it here



Lest we forget

Posted: 01-05-2008 14:05:33
From Brian Harveys wikipedia entry:

On 31 May 2005, he was readmitted to hospital in a critical condition after falling under the wheels of his Mercedes-Benz motor car, whilst driving. According to Harvey, the accident happened after he felt sick from eating too many baked potatoes. He pulled over to be sick, and whilst his head was outside his car, he tipped over and accidentally ran himself over.





















I know I posted this about 3 years ago but christ, it still cracks me up, I mean this is pure genius.

2 rants and a TOTD

Posted: 29-04-2008 11:34:19
Rant 1: Disabled Parking
I was always lead to believe that disabled parking facilities are meant to aid disabled people by providing parking access closer to amenities and enabling people to park on double yellow lines. The idea of giving disabled badge holders the option to park in normal spaces but not pay is assuming that disabled people have less cash for some reason.

So why oh why is that a brand new top of the range Bentley GT (Approx £150,000) with a private number plate of the same value park (single number, single letter)in a normal metered parking spot with its disabled badge on display every day just beggers belief really. If you can afford what is basically £300,000 on a motor then it wouldn't harm you to pay £1.50 to park it would it you tightwad, especially when the clapped out escort next to it is made to!!

Rant 2: Taking a break
You know what is really music to my ears, when i'm, standing in a queue of about 20 people in the tesco up the road at lunchtime and to hear the dulcid tones on the woman behind one of the two serving tills hollering "Sharron i'm gooing fer me break" to no-one in particular and promptly waltzing off leaving one poor helmet to serve the rest of the shop while the day release tards who cant use the pack and scan machine try to feed it pizza. Bliss

Tune of the Day
Dunno why, but i was singing this on the way back from the shop yesterday. I saw the bank band in 1986 and they were ace. The lead singer had gotten into a fight in some Birmingham boozer the night before and came on stage sporting a huge black eye.

Icicle Works - Love Is A Wonderful Colour

Bondage Goat Zombie at the George

Posted: 28-04-2008 12:16:34
We went to me mum and dads pub (the George & Dragon in Ashbourne) on friday night, first we went out for a great chinese where you just keep ordering food from the menu and they keep bringing it out all fer £15!!! then back to the pub.

We hadn't gone on Saturday due to the cheesy disco that blasts out and the fact that the pub gets packed. However, unbeknown to us, some local outfit called 'The Snatch' (nice!) were playing there (christ knows why nobody told me)

So I get hard rock covers belted out at 200 decibels late into the night, then when they have finally thrown the towel in the jukebox starts up again and we are trying to sleep in the room above. What with the other half being 21 weeks pregnant, you can imagine how comfortable it was. However Sadie was made up when she scoffed the continental breakfast (and mine as well).

On Saturday after a leisurly lunch at the Mailbox and a bit of shopping we settle down to watch 'The Sum of all Fears' which turns out to be a suprisingly cracking movie with Ben Affleck and Morgan Freeman.

Sunday go and get the paint for the nursery, go to the Walsall art gallery and see 2 fantastic exhibitions, then a stroll around the Arboretum Golf Course looking for the first mushrooms of the season. During which we invent the sport of 'Cholf' with a couple of golf balls. It like Golf only you chuck the ball instead.

Russell did pick up a ball to chuck then realised someone was walking towards it after a difficult dog leg on the fifth, so he quickly chucked it back behind a tree, leaving a nigh on impossible shot for the Walsall's answer to Seve Ballesteros ambling down the fairway.

After lunch at a local pub we went home and watched 'Boyz in the Hood' as Sadie hadnt seen it before. I had forgotten what a great film it was, she just mumbled 'it's a bit slow'.

Neglected Bloggage

Posted: 25-04-2008 16:11:52
It's been a busy old week for Mr Loaf, so much so that I have realised I havent blogged since Monday, blimey doesnt time fly when yer in a creative daze.

To be honest it's not helping that at the mo some helmet has put the Dirty Dancing soundtrack on, christ what drivel, mind you I spose Swayze could do with the income at the mo poor sod. Oh jeesus it's "She's got the wind" now, useless talentless oik.

On reading this months extreme metal magazine 'Terrorizer' (monthly circulation 4, of which I am 1), Belphegor have a new album out called "Bondage Goat Zombie" and receives an impressive 9/10. I can't see them bothering the charts much, however if you are just a bit curious as to what the extreme blistering aural onslaught of bonecrushing blackened death metal sounds like then check out the vid for the title song..

They do a great cover of Cleopatra's "Comin' At Ya" as well

Weekend Movements

Posted: 21-04-2008 09:49:06
What a lovely weekend, we:

All in all a very entertaining weekend.

Greetings from Wales

Posted: 17-04-2008 17:43:17
Hello friend,
My name is Holly Payne, a citizen of wales in the united kingdom now residing in England. I am contacting you because I need your help to solve a family problem. My family and I need your help to help us as a beneficiary to help us collect our family funds from a security company in Holland. Since the death of my father, we have been unable to do so and the security company wants us to present a foreign beneficiary.

The amount involved is Twenty Million Dollars and you shall have Seven Million Dollars, please reply me back at mrshollypayne21@hotmail.com I shall give you the whole details.

Have a nice day.
Holly Payne

-Blimey, of all the people in the world, i'm the lucky one. I didn't even know they dealt in Dollars in the Wales, you learn summat every day.

What is it with people and skips?

Posted: 15-04-2008 11:44:17
We have had a skip outside our flat for about 3 weeks now and nobody knows who's it is, vans just pull up people get out and unload stuff into it then speed off.

Anyway a more worrying observation is that people seem to be fascinated by it. Passers by are walking onto our drive and ferriting around in it, the postman is peering under the cardboard and carpet to see the hidden treasures in it. I even caught the window cleaner with his hand in it this morning, people are possessed.

And to make matters worse I know for a fact that upstairs have had a leaking macerator (read poo masher) and have had it replaced, with the old one chucked in the skip. So people are essentially ferriting about in someone elses turds to see if there is something worth knicking.

Some people need to get a life.

Arsed?

Posted: 11-04-2008 16:03:05
Do you know when there are so many things you wanna rant about but really can't be arsed, well thats how i feel at the mo. I could pick them out individually and lambast them till they were just a shivering hollowed husk, ripe for kicking around the floor a bit, but I just can't be bothered.

So well done to the following list, you have escaped:There's loads more as well.

Still in the dark

Posted: 10-04-2008 17:56:41
We still have no idea as to the sex of our baby due to it insisting on keeping it's legs shut while we had the second scan on Wednesday. So that means i've got to fork out for an extra one just to find out.

Fortunatly everything else was fine with it, although some people have pointed out that it has a big nose. Dunno where it gets that from, must be the other halves side of the family.

Oh, and the b-52's have announced that they are touring and I have had tickets for my Birthday.

It's turning out to be a great week.

Gavin & Stacey

Posted: 09-04-2008 14:49:30
Is ace!!!!

Get into it.

Rantage

Posted: 08-04-2008 11:20:29
Dunno what happened about posting yesterday, time just flies by.

Anyway, had a lovely weekend of doing bugger all. We watched Cloverfield on Saturday night, good film. Its a bit weird the whole 'shooting on a handheld cam, for christs sake keep still man' thing, but once your over that a decent movie unfolds.

2 things to rant about today, firstly Shannon 'hide and seek' Matthews. Oh dear it's all falling apart now isnt it, the dad's been outed as a wrong un, and now it appears that all was not as it seemed with the 'kidnap' Clearly the Madeline Macann millions that poured into the coffers were just a bit too tempting for some people. 'Quick get under that bed'...."Hello police, put me through to missing persons" etc etc.

For legal reasons though I must point out the I have no idea as to whether this happened or not and I certainly wouldnt go so far as to actually suggest that they shoved the poor kid under the bed with uncle fiddler to get people to send in donations of Chicken McNuggets and Argos vouchers.

The second moan is the news that the EU have announced that people are going to be able to use Mobile's on flights now. Because thats really what I need some squawking sow on an 18-30 to Benidorm for a dose of the clap from some rodent eyed runt from Bermondsey, braying in her phone "I'M ON THE PLANE" together with the shrill tone of some evil urban garage ringtone featuring the word 'booty' going off every 20 seconds.

Or some sales tit braying into his achingly futuristic Nokia Spazforce N987985i for the entire journey whilst trying to get the attractive yet frosty girl sitting next to him to glance the hardcore cambodian goat porn on his laptop with a suggestive leer.

Yeah mark down that decision as a bad one.

The worst thing on tv ever

Posted: 04-04-2008 15:42:40
With a voice that sounds like Barbara Windsor being kicked to death by Chas & Dave on the cobbled streets of Landaaan Taaaahn, Patsy Palmer was never high on my list of favoured TV actors.

However this abomination of an advert for the achingly dull mind cement that is Eastenders is possibly the worst thing I have ever seen on the Tele.

OH MY GOD MAKE IT STOP MY EYES AND EARS ARE BURNING!

And while we are on the subject, what sort of brain dead idiot actually watches Eastenders in the first place, if ever there were a group of people who need arming with a copy of 'The Ladybird book a Birds & Wildlife' and being frogmarched outside then these are they.

On a lighter note, I am going for Thai food tonight so it had better be hot.

There were 4 in the bed

Posted: 03-04-2008 11:04:55
Our bed was already crowded with 3 of us in there and now the population has increased to 4. Sadie's latest pregnancy gadget is a bolster cushion that she sleeps with between her legs and in meant to make sleep more comfortable.

Well at least one of us is comfortable, the other one has now been pushed to the edge of the bed having been replaced with what now feels like a dead body in a cushion cover, the things huge!!!

I've had a couple of things I have been listening to at the moment, one of which are the excellent Wolves in the Throne Room. Unfortunatly its unholy black metal so it wont really appeal to many people (probably nobody in fact) but if yer a bit curious.

Wolves in the Throne Room on Myspaz

or for the more faint hearted

The Wurzels - I Am A Cider Drinker

The choice is yours.

Imran's other wedding

Posted: 31-03-2008 09:55:40
Great start to the weekend with a trip to the Indian for a great King Prawn Jalfreizi, the off to the pub where a skiffle band were performing in the back room. Its amazing what sounds you can get out of the crap lying around the kitchen.

Saturday saw us looking for more baby stuff (in stoke of all places) then we returned for Imran & Amy's other wedding. Greedy you may think having 2 weddings just a week apart but it was very nice. The food was fantastic, in fact food at Asian weddings is always going to beat other weddings hands down and this was no exception.

We retired relatively early whilst others went back to their house for more drinking and rounds of Guitar Hero III until after 4 in the morning apparently

I woke up on Sunday feeling refreshed and took my car to the charity car wash to be cleaned by Brian who was one of the previous nights 'Guitar Heroes' I was quite surprised to see him looking quite chipper. However looking at my car this morning I noticed that sizable chunks had been missed in a hungover post rock god state, still it's all fer charity eh.

Then yesterday some friends in the flat above us invited us for dinner so a lovely afternoon was spent eating drinking and playing board games.

In all a great weekend and now the sun is shining. It just gets better.

More Tunage

Posted: 27-03-2008 15:51:04
I'm a bit of a Fred Falke fan so perhaps i'm biased, but I think this tune has all the markings of lush summer goodness. Dig yer flip flops out.

Whitest Boy Alive - Golden Cage (Fred Falke Remix)

On a different tip, I'm off to see 'The Sword' tonight at the academy. Sabbath riffage to the max, can't wait.

Thieves

Posted: 26-03-2008 16:19:14
Someone has knicked the dustcaps off me wheels.

Now we are not talking solid silver monogrammed Tiffany ones here, just simple unbranded black plastic dustcaps. Are these people mental??? What on earth are you going to do with a 50p set of 4 plastic dustcaps, smoke em for christs sake??

Some people really could benefit from a drop of Chlorine in the gene pool you know.

She has a gun for a leg!!!

Posted: 25-03-2008 11:10:47
It was quite a chilled break for me interspursed with a wedding, a day out in Bridgenorth, a game of darts round the local and possibly one of the greatest movies in history.

The wedding was for some good friends Imran & Amy at a place called 'Swinfen Hall' just outside Lichfield. The whole day was spectacular, and place was wonderful, the food was great and the bride looked gorgeous. It was a top day and the bridal carriage was a VW camper van!

Pics are here

As for the greatest movie ever, it was Planet Terror by Robert Rodriguez. It's a great zombie sleezegrind fest.

Check out the Trailer

And the heroine in it has A GUN FOR A LEG !!!!





























It rules more than anything has ever ruled before.

TOTD

Posted: 20-03-2008 15:59:09
is by Nathan Fake. I posted an icelandic mix of this tune last month, but this is the James Holden mix and it's ace

Nathan Fake - The Sky Was Pink (James Holden Mix)

Other top tunes at the mo:

Evil Nine - Crooked : Chavtastic video


FSOL - Papua New Guinea (High Contrast Mix)


and finally a tune that actually brings a tear to my eye:


Orbial - Chime (Live @ Glastonbury)2004


It was their last ever track at their last ever gig and i was there :)

Relocation Relocation

Posted: 20-03-2008 10:13:24
If you have a 'Country Retreat' (have to be very careful with the spelling there), as well as a 'City Crash Pad', secretly everyone wishes that you would indeed crash horrifically on the way to it.

The Golden Age

Posted: 19-03-2008 10:14:39
I watched 'Elizabeth: The Golden Age' last night, it's a fantastic movie, I dunno how true to life it was but she seemed to be a truly extraordinary woman.

I also discovered what looks like a great restaurant on our doorstep. A place called Purnells was on the TV in Birmingham and the head chef there is stuck in the 70's doing modern twists on stuff like Cheese & Pineapple on a stick. This will be investigated further.

Todays top tune from the seventies.

America - A Horse With No Name

Oh and Captains Birdseye is dead. Now i'm not saying anything, but a suspicious looking old man with a beard keeping a load of children captive on a boat out at sea. Then proceeds to spend a "fun time" on the high seas with them, before filling them up with his "special crispy cod"

The headlines write themselves don't they.

Aint saying she's a goldigger

Posted: 17-03-2008 15:20:58
£25.4 million!!

Can you please knob off you gold digging monopod and stop bothering the airwaves.

Not in front of the children

Posted: 17-03-2008 09:42:26
I had a great weekend, it started with a lovely lunch at the Maharaja on Friday, then Friday night I went and took part in a quiz over in Wolverhampton and our team won!!

Saturday morning, up bright and early and drove down to Bournemouth to stay with some mates, had a lovely lunch out and then played this ace pop quiz which was only a tenner from WH Smiths. Saturday night went out for a few beers then a fantastic Chinese and finally back to watch 'Elizabeth' which is a cracking film.

Up on Sunday to go a walk down on the beach, played in the amusement arcades and then a leisurely drive home. Quick shower, ate some tea and then off to see Jimmy Carr who was hilarious. Although I would say none of his gags are child friendly in the slightest and certainly wont be repeated here, especially the one about knowing if your girlfriend is too young.

That 'Duffy' bird, it would be wrong of me to launch a scathing attack as I think she is quite good and a very fresh injection into an otherwise dreadful music scene at the moment.

But fickle as I am, I'll probably be slating her next week. Christ that Duffy, what a racket.

On the geegee's

Posted: 13-03-2008 14:24:03
What with it being the Cheltenham Gold Cup, i thought i'd have a flutter on the Horses and i'm glad i did. Poped £3 each way on one of Jonjo o'Neils nags and walked away with £22.88. Not bad considering I don't know one half of a horse from another.

This weekend I am going to Bournemouth and then coming back up to see Jimmy Carr on Sunday night. For obvious reasons I won't be popping any of his gags on here.

Tune of the day is a real classic (aren't they all). It's some mad 60's acid trip and well worth a listen. Like yesterdays, it's great and hilarious at the same time

The Witch by The Rattles

The lads right you know.

Posted: 12-03-2008 09:14:32
Tom refers to the new single by Sam Sparro 'Black & Gold' and he's right it really is good.

Check it here

It's a shame that I will hate it in a few weeks though as you just know it's gonna be played to death on the radio.

However, this one a classic that no matter how many times it's played will be loved.

Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell - The Onion Song

Me and sadie listened to it last night and laughed and sang at the top of our voices all the way through it.

Blackheads

Posted: 11-03-2008 11:02:05
I think you'll find Ian that its a favourite trait of all women.

Sadie is constantly hovering around trying to get at my strawberry like nose. She also says that when she goes for a facial the woman whoops with glee if Sadie has opted for an extraction, and has already to the little blackhead removal tool out before Sadies even got her coat off.

Women are strange.

Waitrose

Posted: 10-03-2008 10:15:44
I forgot to mention that we went last week to do our weekly shop for a bit of a change, and 2 words spring to mind. - Rip Off!!!

Don't get me wrong there was some lovely stuff there and we picked up a few oddities that you can't get anywhere else, but for a normal shop it's just overpriced. Kellogs Crunchy nut cornflakes are £1.78 in the adsa, at waitrose they are £2.90 for exactly the same box. To me it just smells of greedy elitism, i'm not a fan.

This weekend I:

Picking on tramps

Posted: 07-03-2008 11:05:38
I mean let's face it, it's not the best career in the world is it, but now the government are looking at raising the tax on Special Brew & white lightning cider, talk about kicking a man while he's down (which is another drawback of the job).

The only highlight of the poor chaps day was shouting at a pillar box while in a Special Brew induced haze whilst soiling himself in public and jabbing at passers by with a spoon, and now it looks like that's being snatched from him. Poor bloke will have to work that little bit harder to be able to get sozzled and wait in the queue for the 1996 Margaux Premier Grand Cru like the rest of us.

Tonight i'm gonna see if i can angle for a curry again, Sadie has hinted she would like to go to the pub, which i really admire in her present condition as she isnt drinking, but needs to get out of the flat.

2 tunes for today, both 70's oldies but goldies.

Boz Scaggs - Lido Shuffle
The enemy hates it, but i love it. Check out the home made vid, it's quite funny.

Elo - The Whale
The enemy loves it and so do I.

I think i've done this before

Posted: 06-03-2008 09:37:41
But I can't remember so i'll post it anyway

Tune of the day is from last year, one of the lads here tuned me into it (can't remember if it was Matt or Gav, both are too cool for school), but I was listening to it earlier for the first time in ages and thought it warranted my TOTD (tune of the day for the uninitiated)

Alan Braxe & Kris Menace - Lumberjack

I would imagine that in a club it would be immense (although I'm too old for that sort of thing).

The New beeb site

Posted: 05-03-2008 15:21:27
More like the new beeb shite if you ask me.

It's gone all cool & web 2.0 and suchlike, subltle gradients, panels and now owes more than a passing resemblence to facetit.

Devoting about 3 inches of your homepage to Radios' Scotland, Ulster, Foyle and Cymru with a combined audience of 7 isn't really an improvement is it . And while we are at it, what the christ is Radio Nan Giadheal when its at home. Still its better than that fat knacker Moyles and Carcrash Dave I suppose.

The little clock up at the top is nice tho.

Sleb fest

Posted: 04-03-2008 17:18:34
I have just been invited (well spammed) to:

INDUSTRY


A Celebrity Hosted Evening by:

Nigel Quashie (who????)
Nikki Graham (boiler from big brother)
Kenzie (fraaam da blazin sqaud innit etc)

Jeesus i'm sold already, Nikki from big brother you say...well I'm polishing me shoes as i type, and Kenzie as well, christ, it might be a daunting for me in the company of such celebrity royalty. Dunno about that Nigel Guy, perhaps that bits a spelling mistake, yeah thats it, perhaps it's really Nigel Planer of the young ones fame, or even Nigel Havers.

But what are these celeb evenings? and who's likely to be there? I hear you say. Well fear not for a bit further down the page it proclaims:

"Our celebrity filled nights have seen the likes of Jesse Metcalfe, Blue, Calum Best, Lee Sharpe and some other footballers."



























Christ it's a real 'who's that???' of popular culture there isnt it, i'm on the edge of me seat. Would I get in you ask, well fortunately i spot it says:

"DRESS: Fashionably stylish"

Shame, I was in with a chance of rubbing up against that Bobak from 'Another Level' for a minute there.

:(

Stuffed

Posted: 03-03-2008 11:39:29
I know most our our blogs are food related ramblings but I really did have 2 fantastic meals this weekend.

1) Curry on Friday @ the Eastend round the corner. It was a King Prawn Jalfreizi of truly epic proportions. Everything about it was right: heat, amount of prawns, spicyness, everything. Even the peas pillau and corriander naan were top drawer.

2) Casserole on Saturday. Sadie cooked a casserole, beef & ale for me (pretend beef chunks obviously) and Chicken Chasseur for her. It was truly awsome. After which we went to see Dara o'Briain at the Warwick Arts Centre, he was brilliant.

To finish I had my father in laws 70th Birthday where he was absolutely stunned at the super turbo mitre saw we had bought him, then round to manuelles for Vino and Scatagories.

At the moment I must say I am quite content with life.

Check out Dara Goodness

Jazz

Posted: 28-02-2008 14:40:21
I've always been an attacker of Jazz what with it's funny hats, small beards ,soft names like 'Spank Heppelton' and 'The Cheese Sideboard Collective' and thats without starting on the music, but recently I've been getting more and more into it.

I've been listening to a bit of Coltrane (before he got clean - No Junk No Soul!! etc etc) and I was quite surprised that I enjoyed it.

Todays tune isnt jazz (christ i'm not mad) but is quite cinematic and has some great woodwind action

Transmission 94 (Part 2) by Bonobo

Check it out see what you think.

By the way if you hear anything that you think I would like, then please feel free to drop me a line. I'm always open to new sounds (contrary to popular opinion).

Tune of the day

Posted: 27-02-2008 11:39:40
After watching the excellent Ashes to Ashes the other night it has to be.

Different for Girls - Joe Jackson

Ace tune.

Who's the daddy?

Posted: 26-02-2008 14:34:58
Well I had a wonderful long weekend.

We shopped in Harrogate, carried on to the Yorke Arms and had the most fantastic food ever. We then went to Ashbourne and went to a lovely hotel and had fantastic food once again. Then home for some lounging getting ready for the (short) week ahead.

In answer to the title, the daddy is in fact me!!!! As Missus Loaf and I are expecting our first loafling on 27th August 2008. It's celebrations all round.

















As you can see, it looks just like me.

All Hail the Brits

Posted: 21-02-2008 09:38:39
I was a Brit Award judge you know. Yeah, not a lot of people know but for about 5 years I was a Brit judge, up to about 2006 in fact.

Every year I used to get the little booklet through with a list of all the nominees (basically the same ones with that years Pap Idol thrown in for good measure. Together with invites to the awards, if i wanted to stump up a grand a ticket, bargain!). Each year I would eagerly fill in my nominations and send them off (you fill em in online nowadays), and await with baited breath. Each year it was a disapointment not to see Kate Bush win best female, or Aphex Twins' "Windowlicker" not grab the best british single crown.

In the end I jacked it in as they seemed to take no notice of my votes at all, and it was just full of sycophantic chart botherers spilling out their oily mush in an attempt to re-enter the charts at number 76. All being compared by a sweating confused simpleton trying to open an envelope without getting a paper cut whilst reading an autocue operated by a hyperactive child.

Last nights televisual prolapsed rectum proved yet again that I had made the right choice.

Is it better?

Posted: 20-02-2008 10:18:13
My journey to work is faster for certain parts at the moment, however the part thats really holding me up at the moment is the junction 7 flyover and the lights at the Scott Arms.

For some reason they have got about 10x worse since the council shelled out millions for 'traffic priority' imrovements and dug the whole thing up.

The only thing I can be sure of is that somewhere on the journey A counciller has probably halved his journey time to work as he was probably the 'traffic priority' that the whole scheme was based around.

In short, it's bum.

Tune of the day

Ulrich Schnauss - Between us and them

Todays tune

Posted: 19-02-2008 09:39:48
Is Nathan Fake - The sky was pink (Icelandic mix). Gorgeous saturated strings reminiscient of Ulrich Schnauss with the coldness of Biosphere. It's ace.

Ca$h

Posted: 18-02-2008 10:03:34
I didnt do anything this weekend it was pretty leisurely. However I noticed that even when you do nothing you tend to spend cash.

Friday: Just about to finish work, fatty is popping down to connolleys wine merchants so I ask him to get me a bottle of whisky as i have run out at home. £20. When i get home we lounge around on the sofa and order Chinese food £12

Saturday: Get up have breakfast then pop out too see some friends who have just had a baby, pop out for pub lunch £25. Get home, the enemy is a bit tired so she goes for a kip whilst I pop out to get the shopping. The shopping doesn't count, however I do grab 3 lottery tickets as I am leaving. £3. Stay in eat & drink, extra cost £nowt.

Sunday: Get up, have egg sarnie, Sadie points out that a new small frying pan is needed. Decide to get car cleaned on way out, pay for both mine & her car £6, get to shop buy pan, it's quite nice and reduced from £25 to £10 so I get that. Also I notice some new trainers which I like which are £80 reduced to £40 so i get those also. Walk into Walsall, stop at boots to get prescription for my crazy thyroid drugs £6.75. Carry on to holland & barrett to get Glucosamine (to stop my arthritic joints seizing) £8 (+£2 for some wasabi peanuts I notice in the queue at the till, which turn out to be pretty revolting). Get home, eat dinner, play music quiz on computer, Manuelle & Russell ask if we want to go to pub for a few drinks, we do, cost £20.

Done: pretty much bugger all
Total cost: £152.75
Bargain.


Best thing in the world?

Posted: 13-02-2008 09:53:04























At the moment anyway, it's champagne flavoured ltd edition 'I love you' marmite. I'ts lush, get yours at selfridges now!!!

Attacking firemen?

Posted: 11-02-2008 09:37:40
Why would you want to do this, I mean what sort of imbicile with an oven ready chip for a brain are you. These guys put their life on the line everyday just so they can save your stolen PS3 your shitty gold jewellery and your 6 repulsive half brothers from meeting a crispy demise. And in your infinate wisdom you take it into your thick skull that it would be great if you all ganged up on them and started pelting them with scaffolding pipes. Yeah nice one.

If i had one wish it would be that I had eyes in the back of my head to that I could still see you burning whilst I walked away.

Cretins.

On a happier note, we went for a walk in the park and fed the ducks and discovered a great bar in town called the Yardbird. It's sort of jazz/hiphop with breakdancers and live music, tis good.

Food of the moment: Cottage Pie, yummmm.

Weekendage

Posted: 08-02-2008 16:50:56
I think i'm out to some Jazz ting for manuelles birthday tommorrow, can't be sure though. But either way i think i'm free tonight so I should be able to lever a curry out of the other half if i'm lucky.

On a restaurant review note, I went to the Gormet Burger Kitchen in the mailbox yesterday, it was very nice. I'd happily recommend it for anyone who's looking for a nice burger, great veggie range too.

On a musical note, I am listening to 'Smack my Orinoco up' by The Prodigy vs Enya - it's ace.

Bill Oddie

Posted: 07-02-2008 13:38:30
I'm still in a good mood, but i thought i'd better post about him just in case I forget.

Why is this loathsome obnoxious little runt on my tele all the time as of late. For some reason the beeb seem to be giving quite a bit of airtime to this baggy little man who seems to be modelling himself on someone from the 'Bumfights' series. All he seems to be doing is arguing with embarrassed presenters, foisting his unwanted opinions on the other people on the show (as well as the viewing public) and buggering up what ever he is supposed to be doing.

I think its something to do with some new TV show ('Bill Oddie bums Pigeons' or some such tedious dullathon), but fer christ sake just get him off with his little weasely face and his bumbling incompetence. The mans got all the charm of a bull mastiff with piles.

Game of Champions

Posted: 05-02-2008 12:47:14
I'm not posting about Odd Billy today, he can wait as i'm in a good mood.

There is only one type of football for real men. Not the rubbish ballerina stuff performed by girls on a Saturday afternoon, but Shrove Football !!!

Today in Ashbourne, (where me folks pub is), This is going on.

I've played it (very very briefly) and it's mental.

1 ball, a couple of thousand players, 10 hours, now thats a game.

Tit of the year award

Posted: 04-02-2008 09:48:14
So far goes to David Beckham for setting up a soccer school in Rio De Janeiro. Brazil qualify for every major international tournament, and usually go on and win it. If there is one thing Brazil doesn't need it's lessons form the English on how to play football.

This weekend I watch Juno, Rocky IV, Rambo: First Blood and A Life Less ordinary, all of which were excellent.

I also crippled myself moving my mates cooker & 2 tele's as well as falling off a chair in the lounge.

Tommorrow I'm gonna write about Bill Oddie, be prepared.

Morrisons, Nice one!

Posted: 01-02-2008 09:15:31
For refering to Penne pasta as 'Quills', Fusili as 'Twists' and Farfalle as 'Bows'.

Why not just stick a big sign above all non pie-based products saying 'Foreign Muck'?

Plebs.

Down with the yoot

Posted: 30-01-2008 16:33:09
I am simply loving the High Contrast remix of Utah Saints 'Something Good'. Not just the fact that it samples the other love of my life Mrs B, but its just a fantastic jump up record. To be honest the High Contrast lads cant do owt wrong at the moment

It might be a bit full on, in fact this ones a bit loud, but what the hell, play it !!!!!

Link me up

Twinkle Toes

Posted: 28-01-2008 14:10:41
I forgot to mention that this weekend we caught a bit of Jean Claude Van Damme's epic 'Kickboxer'

It has possible the best ever dance scene commited to celluloid.

Check it

Road to Nowhere

Posted: 28-01-2008 09:26:57
This morning the computer bit in my car told me after arriving at work:

Time: 52mins
Distance: 8 miles
Average MPH: 9mph

And theres nothing unusual about that, I mean the traffic was pretty much the same as every day, it's just I was horrified to realise that I spend every morning crawling along at 9mph. It's quite depressing really.

We did watch some Rocky at the weekend as mentioned on Friday, in fact we got through Rocky I,II,III & IV. We may even watch 5 & 6 next weekend.


Rockython

Posted: 25-01-2008 17:26:04
I'm watching all the Rocky movies this weekend, dunno why, but the enemy says she fancies it so thats whats gonna happen.

Sad day

Posted: 23-01-2008 09:30:39
Although Heath Ledger has bought the farm, a much worse tragedy has occured today. Abdul Latif, a popular North East restaurateur, who claimed to serve the world's hottest curry, has died.

Abdul offered the famous dish - Curry Hell - free to any customer who could finish it at his Newcastle diner. In 2003, he also offered free meals for five years to all British servicemen and women who served in Iraq.

The 52-year-old became a renowned local businessman thanks to his talent for publicity and regular appearances in cult adult comic Viz.

Sad :(




2+

Posted: 22-01-2008 10:11:37
It's a new invention around brum, the 2+ lane. Its basically a lane on a road thats restricted to cars with 2 or more people in it.

I went down one for the first time this morning as I was dropping the enemy off at work and wizzed down it while the traffic backed up for half a mile on the other one, I was quite impressed.

However, Shaun pointed out this morning that they are only trialing it on the least quietest least busy dual carriage ways so i dunno if that totally defeats the purpose of it.

Musicwise I am loving

The Wombats - Moving to new york
Cracking song, fantastic vocals & great melody. However I'll probably be sick of it in a few weeks due to excessive radio play.

The Subways - Rock & Roll Queen
Oldie (i think it's 2005) but I recently heard it for the first time in ages and it reminded me of what a great tune it it. A much lighter version of The Vines methinks.

Give em both a listen and see what ya think.

El laberinto del fauno

Posted: 21-01-2008 09:54:45
Or Pan's Labyrinth if you wanna be all anglo about it.

"The best fantasy of the past decade."
"Unexpected brilliance."
"A masterpiece."
"Absolutely the Best Movie of 2006."

Are just some of the comments made about this film so i thought i'd give it a go. My own would be

"S'alright"

Thats about it really not bad but not brilliant, worth a watch if there's nowt else on.

Only other thing to report from this weekend is that I went to a party on saturday and had a pint. Just the one mind, I thought I had earned it, and that's all I shall be having till the end of Jan now. In fact to be honest if i were to give it critical acclaim as a pint it would be

"S'alirght".

Haddock face wins £5m

Posted: 17-01-2008 10:30:44
Cant you Adam & Eve it?

Some daft bint with the acting talent of boiled turnip has her face injected with lard so she now looks like someone has stapled 2 sausages to a potato, decides to undertake what she described as "rough sex games", but what was probably her dimwitted ex footballer huspand putting a rice sack over her head and beating her senseless, in order to enjoy 5 minutes of silence. After which she is (quite unessesarily) taken to hospital, from where she contracted MRSA, and has now successfully sued the hospital for £5 million smackeroonies.

Yeah thats right 5 million big ones, for, wait for it...

"..the loss of earnings for a young woman at the peak of her career"

Peak of her career!!!!!, who on gods clean earth was going to employ this...

























And dont even get me started on where the £5,000,000 is coming from and who is going to suffer because of it.

Tom Cruise

Posted: 16-01-2008 16:30:39
Is as mad as a bicycle, really he is, that whole Scientology 'only we can truly help' garbage, jeesus what a dellusional nutjob. I mean he's just some mentalist dwarf who really thinks, if he's not at least the new messiah, then he's holding his coat for him.

And now he has tossed off the shackles of Hollywood oppression and is piloting his Scientology-fueled funny car straight towards us. Check it

Only Cliff Richard can save us now.

Johnny Depp

Posted: 15-01-2008 13:36:01
I tend to like most of his stuff, he's got the looks, the talent and he's a nice guy (bit like Dave Grohl). But i read recently that....

"Last November, in a gesture of thanks to the hospital that saved his daughter's life, Depp had his Captain Jack Sparrow costume flown in from the US and performed an impromptu pantomime for sick children in the hospital, gadding about, reading them bedtime stories and genuinely being a bit of an idiot to introduce some laughter into their lives.

Last week he invited five of the doctors to the premiere of 'Sweeney Todd', showering them with compliments and saying,

"It was the most frightening thing we have ever been through. It was hell. But the magic is that she pulled through beautifully. Great Ormond Street was terrific, a great hospital."

And at the weekend he visited the staff at the hospital again, thanked them all and handed over a personal cheque for a million pounds. That's two million dollars and two million reasons why he's a better human that most of the rest of Hollywood put together."

What a nice man.

Darts

Posted: 14-01-2008 10:24:40
Now there's a game, not like the rubbish football as reported last week, this is a real mans game, proper blokes, proper game.

The final on sunday was a real cracker. Simon 'The Wizard' Whitlock was beaten by some young lad called Mark Webster (who i'm sure in a few months time will be Mark 'The Spider' Webster) in an epic battle featuring 30 maximum 180's. It was great with me and the missus on the edge of our seats for the whole match.

Apart from that bog all else happened except I bought a new chair for the lounge so we can now accomodate 4 people in comfort rather than 3, hardly news but hey who's blog is this???

Football

Posted: 10-01-2008 11:01:57
The beautiful game, where gladiators battle it out in the theatre of dreams.

Except it's not is it. It is in fact 2 gangs of illiterate monkeys booting a bloated bladder around a field in front of a crowd of braying imbiciles trying to foist there ill conceived tactics and opinions upon some smart suited foreigner in the dugout, who clearly couldnt give a toss and is wondering if the fact that his team look like they might have lost their second game in a row he might be for the spanish archer (el-bow). At the same time hoping his wife wont mind moving to some god awful town to manage some other outfit whose chairman has promised him what amounts to the national debt of Liberia over a period of 5 years, of which he will only work a fortnight before being ousted with a meaty pay off.

So as you can gather i'm not a fan, so what i really need is all current events to be replaced with football related news beemed directly into my skull read aloud 24/7 by John Motson wearing a football shaped hat sitting on a giant football. Football, football more football

Newcastle need a new manager? Pah! Who cares, Amy Wingehouse has got a new hair cut, and Britney is running half naked down the street with bacon on her head shouting 'The radiators are looking at me'!!! - That's news.

The Minton

Posted: 09-01-2008 10:27:28
Well the badminton has started for me again and last night within 45 minutes i was failing. It's not that i was tired, just a bit non committal when it came to the energetic lunges towards the shuttlecock, prefering instead to wave my bat in the general direction hoping to give the illusion of at least making an attempt at it. I'll be better next week, maybe.

I can't really complain about TV at the mo as i'm not watching it as there's bugger all on, I mean really.....nothing. In fact looking at the schedule for the next few months the future is pretty bleak for TV. If anyone has any ideas for TV series to get on DVD that might be worth a watch then let me know.

Oh and that Kanye West track with Chris Martin is odd.

75kgs

Posted: 07-01-2008 12:04:20
Thats how much i weigh. I started the year at just over 80kgs and the lowest i got was around september at 68.5kgs (which means i had shed 23 lbs at one point).

I am looking to keep at around 73, that would be an ideal and would also mean that i still fit all the clothes I was forced to buy last year due to my new found trimness. Hopefully due to my not drinking during jan I can keep the weight off.

I watched Babel the weekend and was pleasantly surprised with it. I did howeverver watch 'The Librarian' and 'The Librarian II' which are indiana jones rip offs, great fun though.

Also I have started reading the Conn Iggulden series on Caeser called 'Emperor'. They are fantastic books and urge you to give them a go. If you read one thing this year make sure its them, start with 'Gates of Rome', you wont be dissapointed. Go on, do it, christ you can read mine if you want, just do it.

Twelfth Night

Posted: 04-01-2008 16:55:16
Have you ever noticed that your living room always looks massive when you take your Christmas Tree down.

Tis True

ZZZZzzzz....

Posted: 03-01-2008 10:56:02
After getting up at normal hours (ie 10:00am) for a couple of weeks its a rude awakening to be back at work. The festive period is well and truely over (and a good thing too).

What I have learned over the last 2 weeks.

  • Xmas TV is crap, really crap.

  • George IV lived in breathtaking opulence, as discovered by me on a trip to Brighton Pavillion, he literally had a bird on each toe.

  • TomTom's are the future of everything.

  • The phrase "I'm looking for Jessica Simpsons Hair" is said by men a lot more than you think.

  • The phrase "Don't tell em your name Pike" is possibly the funniest statement ever.

  • Scattagories is a fantastic game and should be played by everyone over christmas.

  • Liza Tarbuck is a lot funnier than her dad.

    • Lush

    Posted: 21-12-2007 09:51:15
    This morning I came in listening to 'Trio for 2 flutes and harp' from L'Enfance du Christ by Berlioz, what a wonderful calming piece of music. It was so much better than the constant jackhammer noise of Chris Moyles who is like a fat sweaty uncle pushing his way to the front of a queue for a turkey on christmas eve. So rather than arriving in a rage, I arrived blissed out and ready for the festivities.

    We break up today, so festive greets and a partridge up yer peartree. I've got one last pressie to buy so i'll nip out tommorrow fer that and then i'm all done.

    I'm looking foward to the break to be honest, i'm gonna eat loads, what with me crazy weight loss disease and everything, I may as well enjoy it.

    And shaun has just put Kate Bush on the stereo, so its the perfect start fer me.

    Bon Noel.

    (nowt to do with that christmas jumper wearing charlatan Edmonds either.)

    Annoyance of the day:
    Confetti and glitter in Christmas Cards - Why not just go the whole hog and put some shrapnel in?


    Bloated

    Posted: 20-12-2007 13:50:30
    Watching Heston last night do his christmas dinner we were both just slack jawed in front of the tele, it was so good that I decided I would happily eat meat if i were served that meal.

    I am full because inspired by the gastronomic experience of last night I went with the lads over the Gordon Blue's cafe over the road for Egg, Chips & Beans and I'm stuffed.

    And for £1.85 you can't grumble at all.

    Is it the law?

    Posted: 19-12-2007 10:07:53
    That whilst watching any clip of Les Dawson playing the piano badly, that someone must comment "he was a brilliant piano player you know, you have to be to play like that"

    Rules of modern life

    Posted: 18-12-2007 10:30:39

    Well

    Posted: 17-12-2007 10:30:53
    I felt magic on saturday mornin after the party so, after managing to bag some Mighty Boosh tickets for next year when they went on sale at 10:00 I preceded to do some tiling, re-wire the cupboard downlights, help me father in law with a bit of carpentry and then look for a christmas tree (of which there were none).

    We ended up going out on sunday for a tree with more luck, and i did a bit of shopping in town.

    Can I just say what a complete waste of time and effort the German market is. Hawking its mass produced trinkets, its weird spicy breads and funny crystals. What exactly is the point. To even things up we should send the equivalent of Bescot Market over to Berlin every year. Have some helmet yelling out the side of a van into a microphone offering £20 for a bag of indeterminable meat, with a bloke knocking out hooky DVD's round the back.

    Now thats festive.

    Also i need to mention that the new X factor song (dunno who it's by) is the aural equivilent of being kicked to death by Cliff Richard, its ghastly.

    Pre party blog

    Posted: 14-12-2007 10:58:27
    It's probably a good idea that I blog now (10:41am) rather than when we return from our crimbo lunch :)

    We have christmas songs on the office stereo at the moment, and to be honest they are not really working for me, especially as its Hanson and all it makes me want to do is pull their brains out through their own kneecaps.

    I mean 'Hanson sings christmas' for christs sake, at what point did someone say "You know what would be a great idea? Boiling my own eyes whilst ferverently rasping at my own fingertips with a block plane. Actually no scrap that, what would be even better would be to get irksome teen boppers Hanson to record a selection of dreary christmas hits, with a few of their own tedious christmas themed compositions thrown into the mix".

    Whatever next, "Eastenders own Ian Beale conducts the London symphony orchestra, accompanied by a rabid badger on the piano, whilst onlookers throw foil wrapped goldfish at a large target balancing on the head of the miserable soap bothering conductor, in the hope of winning the only gas mask in an auditorium slowly filling with highly noxious chlorine".

    Or something like that anyway.

    Shops are shut xmas day

    Posted: 13-12-2007 10:31:41
    So get yer bread in early, you never know, get those extra couple of loaves in now.

    Might as well get some advocat in as well.

    Control

    Posted: 12-12-2007 11:20:18
    I watched 'Control' last night which is the life story of Ian Curtis (of Joy Division) directed by Anton Courgette. It was brilliant, I can't recommend it enough, go see it.

    I still haven't got any crimbo pressies, yet again its gonna be collection point D at Argos on xmas eve at four o'clock. Same every year, it's almost a ritual.

    Unless you have done it, you haven't experienced true mania (unless of course you spend friday afternoons screaming at mice in yer underpants).

    The greatest band in the world.

    Posted: 11-12-2007 10:28:28
    Dunno if i'd mentioned it, but i had tickets to see the mighty Led Zeppelin at the o2, and went last night to see what can only be described as an experience bordering on religious.

    Everything about it was perfect, the sound, the lighting, the visuals, and most of all, the music. As you can imagine they are getting on a bit and Jimmy Page is starting to look a bit like Noddy Holder but jesus these guys can still play.

    I sort of hope that they don't tour now so that they will remain as brilliant as ever, rather than do a world tour and put in the odd duff performance, which everyone invariably does.

    Set List
    'Good Times Bad Times'
    'Ramble On'
    'Black Dog'
    'In My Time Of Dying'
    'For Your Life'
    'Trampled Under Foot'
    'Nobody's Fault But Mine'
    'No Quarter'
    'Since I've Been Loving You'
    'Dazed And Confused'
    'Stairway To Heaven'
    'The Song Remains The Same'
    'Misty Mountain Hop'
    'Kashmir'
    'Whole Lotta Love'
    'Rock And Roll'

    I am still deaf.

    Tonight

    Posted: 07-12-2007 16:15:19
    I'm going to 'Woom'

    Beat that if you can.

    Tesco.

    Posted: 06-12-2007 13:53:50
    "Excuse me love, I'm alright for a carrier bag thanks, I mean it's only a pre-packed sandwich isn't it."

    Beef + Salt

    Posted: 05-12-2007 12:54:25
    I was just in subway and when the server asked the guy next to me what he wanted, he said:

    "Beef & Salt please mate"

    Is it just me or does that sound odd?

    Smokers

    Posted: 05-12-2007 11:07:31
    I was just coming out of an office in the centre of town and saw loads of people all crowded outside all the buildings in the street At first I thought it was a fire alarm or even bomb scare, then i noticed that every one of them was puffing away and the old cancer sticks.

    I'm suprised employers still allow these smoking breaks meself, get back to work you lazy slackers, yer jobs hanging on by a thread as it is.

    Poorly loaf

    Posted: 04-12-2007 10:08:49
    A pretty leisurely weekend for me, friday night popped over to the pub over the road since for the first time since the new owners took over. It was very nice lots of real ales, good choice of beers and the food looks lovely, then home again for 9:00 in front of the tele scoffing me dinner.

    Saturday morning was spent cleaning & sealing the new kitchen floor getting it ready for grouting. Then i had to pop into the office to print off a couple of wedding invites for a freind of mine, then home fer grouting, then back into town for the same friends birthday at the newly opened BarRoomBar. It was very eighties with its hilarious lazer show and we got acosted by a dwarf trying to get us to go somewhere else. Unfortunatly we had to bow out as the car park shut at 11:30.

    Sunday we had people round for dinner and watched 'Stardust' which is very good and well worth a watch. Although i did develop a bit of a headache before i went to bed.

    I woke up yesterday with a dreadful splitting headache, my head was really congested and I felt awful, so i stayed in ben all day moaning and groaning, total waste of a day, but i feel much better for the rest.

    Anyway christmas is coming and Ians getting fat, so bring on the mince pies!!!

    Teddy Bear Business

    Posted: 30-11-2007 14:21:01
    I must admit, i dont really follow thr thoughts of the other cherries, I think the woman was clearly a nutter for thinking for one moment that nameing a teddy bear after the God of a religion might not cause a few ructions within a country where it's the main religion.

    I'm not for one minute supporting these religious zelots with their crazy ideas and the fact that she might get 40 lashes of whatever.

    But 'Mohammed', i mean come on love, use yer loaf.

    Spooks

    Posted: 28-11-2007 16:04:16
    Is really hotting up at the mo and is hurtling towards the season finale (next week).

    The current series as a bit 24 though, they have averted 5 massive disasters in about 4-5 days so far, so it is a tad unrealistic. But who cares, it's great TV.

    On Saturday i went to a fancy dress party dressed as a ninja and looked a bit of a tit.

    That is all.

    Gypsy Jazz

    Posted: 26-11-2007 10:08:33
    I know what you are thinking, it sounds like a load of pikeys with tin cans and washboards, but you couldn't be further from the truth.

    Our mate Dave Alexander is a huge fan of the movement (and even holds festivals championing it), so i thought i'd give it a go a while ago, and i'm glad i did, i'm really getting into it.

    To be fair i've only really listened to Django Reinhardt who i understand was the master, and its ace. Its perfect sunday afternoon pottering about music.

    Give it a go.

    Music Roundup

    Posted: 23-11-2007 09:35:33
    Rather than slate popular music all the time, I thought it would be more helpful if I pointed you in the right direction as to whats acceptable and listed a few tunes that are on rotation on the loaf stereo at the moment.

    Just click on the title for a quick preview

    Dub Pistols - Speed of light
    In an age where hip hop is basically diluted egotistical rubbish and comical, Barry Ashworth and co step up to the mark with a gem of a track. Featuring 'Blade', Speed of light fuses soft space infused atmospheres with perfect lyrical timing. An instant classic.

    Sebastien Tellier - La Ritournelle
    I can't even begin to describe how perfect this track is, perhaps one of the most brilliant tracks of the last 10 years????. A bold claim indeed, but wait till you hear the fantastic rolling piano, lazy yet intricate drumbeat and soaring strings provided by the Bulgarian Symphony Orchestra. So brilliant it leaves you breathless.

    Bent - Always
    Sampling the 1958 tune "Always in my heart" by Norrie Paramor this tune is a laid back classic, i dunno what it is about this tune but it gives me goosebumps. The first 30 secs are a bit strange but as soon as the the drums kick in the song completely changes and morphs into this fantastic tune. Check out the video as well it's mad.

    So there you go give em a listen see what you think. I will say on another note that I think the new Girls Aloud single is great.

    What a shower of.....

    Posted: 22-11-2007 10:36:29
    .....well yeah that!!!

    It's just an embarrassment isn't it, in fact its pathetic, that after an pretty abysmal euro campaign we cant even qualify in a group of 'where's that?' of international football.

    Sacking McClaren isnt the answer, it's a start yes but not the answer. Basically apart from Crouch & Beckham (who had a pretty poor game, but still leagues ahead of the rest), all the others should be sacked on the spot. Thats it, no more international football for Comedy Lampard & the grossly overpaid muppet show, game over, its back to the football league for the lot of em.

    The new team shouldn't include anyone who earns more than £2000 a week, and you'll soon see a difference with people who actually feel proud to play for their country rather than "Will it increase my profile enough to egg a few more quid out of my shoelace sponsor 'Preparation H - New Ham & Cheese flavoured hemorrhoid cream, now in 5 litre tubs!!'?"

    On another note I read this morning (continuing from yesterdays article) that the guy who carries Ricky Hattons belts out in front of his as he walks to the ring is in fact Wayne Rooney!!

    Ricky Hatton

    Posted: 21-11-2007 10:55:26
    I was reading an article on Ricky Hatton this morning and was refreshed to find that he's a real down to earth guy who just happens to have a gift for destroying people in the ring. He even rides round in a Robin Reliant!!

    He totally shuns bling and all the other trinkets that other boxers have. At the weigh in for the fight where he is gonna wipe that Mayweather muppet off the planet, whilst Mayweather was dripping with jewels and had an entourage of pimps in crowns and gold canes, Ricky just had his 5'4" dad in a scruffy suit standing behind him.

    One thing i don't understand is these big mouthed Yanks spouting crap about how they are gonna annihilate the opponent and they look foolish when they lose. A fight between 2 Americans is even worse with a good 20 minutes of slagging and yo mama gags.

    Yet when the one with the biggest mouth is defeated (which is what usually happens) why doesn't TV play loops of them banging on in the press conference about how the other guy is "going down in the first 10 seconds and never coming back up" interspersed with repeated loops of him hitting the canvas and crying for his mum, just the same shots repeated over and over again for a good 4 hours, perhaps with him being forced to watch my a masked swordsman accompanied by the Benny Hill theme.

    C'mon Ricky!!!!

    Crap

    Posted: 19-11-2007 09:29:02
    Thats basically my weekend in a nutshell.

    First off I had do rush home on Friday morning as an electrical fault was in danger of burning the flat down. I then had to sit in the cold and dark while 3 different teams of men came and looked at the problem, each one exclaiming, 'nowt Ii can do with that mate, not our responsibility'. Until I had to point out that everything was OK except i needed a new cutoff box as the old one was currently on fire.

    So having pointlessly lost a day, We settled in for the evening with Takeaway and TV. Then saturday morning I rushed to the toilet to be violently sick. An hour or so later after feeling a bit better we went shopping only to be turned around on the car park and head back home as i felt ill again. Unfortuantly I didnt make it home and was sick at the roadside.

    The rest of the weekend was spent between Bed & the TV and was a total waste.

    At least this week and only get better ?????

    The A34

    Posted: 15-11-2007 13:27:28
    Its the bain of my life. Every morning i sit on it for what seems like hours just waiting to get to the evil that it the Scott Arms, and at the moment it is twice as bad as it is being re-surfaced and therefore goes down to one lane. Short of getting a hover pony, there's not much i can do :(

    On a lighter note I was unsure on how to spell 'bain of my life' (in fact i'm still not sure) so i googled it as i always do in these situations, then hit 'images' to see what came up and this was the first entry.




























    How peculiar.

    Ahhhh Much Better

    Posted: 12-11-2007 10:25:17
    I feel Great

    A weekend of doing not much was just what I needed. On Friday I went to the Maharaja and had a fantastic Indian, saturday did a bit of tiling and sadie cooked dinner. Then sunday went to The IKON gallery to see a fascinating installation that included silver dollar coings that had been drawn out into wire the exact height of Niagra Falls.

    On Saturday I was disgusted to see Gordon Brown falling asleep during the rememberance thing at the Albert Hall, shame on him. I did a bit of research after watching it, did you know that we suffered 57,470 casualties the first day at the battle of the Somme. Its just one of many frightening statistics from both world wars. :(

    Arrrrgh!

    Posted: 09-11-2007 14:15:51
    I hate being busy, well no thats a lie I love being busy but I hate the stress that it brings as it puts me in a bad mood.

    To be honest it puts me in a foul mood and at the moment I feel like I need to strangle someone. Everyone is getting on my nerves ARRRRGHHHHHH!. I'm generally a very sociable person but i dunno at the moment I could easily commit murder.

    If you fancy being strangled, it would really help me out and make other peoples life easier, so just pop by the office.

    You'd be doing me a real favour.

    Other Blogs

    Posted: 06-11-2007 09:25:37
    Whilst browsing through a couple of other blogs on here i just thought I'd point out.

    Tom: I fully agree about Simon Amstell, in fact if you go to my blog dated 01-02-2007 at 11:53 you will see my entry that on him that reads..

    That poodle haired tool off 'Never mind the buzzcocks'. What a complete waste of blood & organs. Your about as funny as a leaking colostomy bag, blundering your way through pedestrian gags from the autocue with the comic timing of Steven Hawking.

    Ian: I fully agree on the poppy situation, however I have gone one better and recycled last years poppy and just put the money in the tin without taking a new one this year. Last night at a do we managed to raise £300 for the poppy appeal as well, so get wearing one!!.

    Overpriced wedding stationery

    Posted: 05-11-2007 14:38:40
    Blimey its a racket innit wedding stationery. Lets face it, it's a scrap of paper that says 'can you come to our wedding' so imagine my surprise when some friends this weekend revealed that they were quoted almost £2,000 for it.

    The enemy has gone crumble crazy, so this weekend I have had a Pear & Rhubarb and a Pear & Blackcurrent. To be honest they are swiftly becoming my favourite pudding.

    The new Oasis song

    Posted: 02-11-2007 09:36:40
    I quite like it.

    I mean, I am fully aware that it's basically 'Subterranean Homesick Blues' by Bob Dylan. But still, it's quite catchy. I'd urge you to have a listen before denouncing that its crap and I have shit musical taste.

    Another thing, and on a more serious note, do i sound like a raving fascist if I say that immigration is out of control? I mean i'm all for multicultural and varied society, christ the current migrant population is the only thing keeping this country afloat at the moment and are infinately more of an asset then the lazy arsed pleb class 5th generation dole scrounging asbo scum, but for gods sake enough is enough can we just stop the population growing at such a massive rate. (free blue WKD flavoured home sterilisation kits with yer dole cheques would be a start)

    Wouldn't it be great if we all just stopped for a moment, bricked up the channel tunnel, and everyone who was already here whatever their race or origin just got on with their lives for a year or two. The fact that the prisons are full, the NHS is bursting, the state can't afford to keep its dependants should spell out that there's an issue here.

    A serious issue on the Loaf blog whatever next.

    Would you cover Snow Patrol?

    Posted: 01-11-2007 10:11:24
    I don't mean cover them in burning oil and watch their scalding flesh crisp up like crackling, whilst a group of midgets dance round the flaming pyre eerily singing 'Round and Round the Garden like a teddy bear', although I'm sure that we have all thought that.

    I mean actually sing one of their songs. Lets face it, unless your death metal faves 'Necrosadistic Goat Torture' you're not really gonna pull it off. However this morning on the radio I heard that Leona Lewis covering 'Run' live in the studio by the afformentioed Snooze Patrol.

    Christ what a cacaphony of bilge. I mean lets get this straight the girl has a voice, but she sings with all the emotion of a McDonalds burger flipper handing you a McTurd Sandwich. And so to overcome this she decides to sing the emotional rollercoaster that is Snow Patrol.

    I mean please, the fish are lining up in the barrel with little flags and targets painted on their backs, its just too easy.

    I listened to Janis Joplin singing Ball & Chain live at the Fillmore when I got to work this morning, the size of the gap between these two performances couldn't be measured with anything on earth without the use of a plutonium powered mega rocket made from diamonds and gypsies' tears, being hurtled into space at a billion miles a second and driven by Arnold Schwarznegger.

    Yum

    Posted: 30-10-2007 15:20:59
    I'm going fer a curry tonight. I know there's nowt interesting about that but I havent had one fer about a month so i'm really looking forward to it.

    Opera and a bacon bap

    Posted: 29-10-2007 09:56:55
    You wouldnt think that they would go together would you, guess what, your dead right.

    Our lovely leader got us tickets to the opera on friday to see La Traviata at the NIA. Clearly it was an attempt to instill a little culture in our uncouth rabble, and to be honest it worked.

    The production was fantastic, the leads were performed with great emotion and brilliant delivery, the venue itself was dreadful. Apart from queueing for the entire interval for a warm drink served in a plastic bottle (no glass allowed, god forbid one of the grannies tries to bum rush the stage with a broken bottle of Cherry B), the bar was also serving fried snacks. You know the normal sort of thing you get at the opera, french fries, burgers, hot dogs with onions, BACON BAPS !!!!.

    Also the acoustics just dont lend themselves to this sort of thing especially with the heating system it's like bellowing at one end of a cowshed and trying to listen at the other whilst a milling machine is going full pelt 3 metres from your ear.

    So to sum up, yeah it was great, yeah i'd go to see the opera again definatly, no i won't be going back to the NIA to see it (maybe Motorhead though).

    Oh No Simpley Red split!!

    Posted: 26-10-2007 12:55:43
    Christ how am I gonna continue in life now that the great simply red have called it a day.

    I know a few more cynical people out there may say, 'but i thought it was just a ageing ginger tosser with a couple of session musicians called in to play live' and to be honest you wouldnt be a million miles off. Anyway I heard he was a ledgendry swordsmith with countless conquests of top heavy lovelies, so surely that counts for something. Christ imagine that heaving above you whispering 'open up that red box....' into your ear, enough to make you retch bile.

    I'm sure i read somewhere that his next tv venture was:

    Mick Hucknall's Pink Pancakes
    Mesmerising new series in which the erstwhile Simply Red frontman presses his scrotum up against transparent surfaces in popular public places. This week sees Mick enhancing the new Christmas Display in the window of Selfridges to an aghast crowd of toddlers looking for the new Engie Bengie Fun Doll.
    Music by Cannibal Corpse & Kiki Dee


    Dir. Hel Mitt

    Wow a real life spy

    Posted: 25-10-2007 15:48:15
    As sure as night follows day it is an indisputable fact that if you use a bluetooth headset you are a bell end of the highest order.

    I mean look at yourself for christ sake, jabbering away like some sort of ranting mentalist in the middle of a busy high street. Striding along and barking orders to nobody as if the future of the global economy if now dependent on your every word. Your one step down from the screaming religious simpletons waving their bibles above their heads and predicting that the world is going to crashing down on itself in about 4 hours time just after crimewatch.

    And what do you think you look like, some sort of spy? a member of MI5?. Is that it? some sort of covert operative speaking into a ultra high tech device. A device that on the other end there is a whole team of people dancing to your every word, peoples who's very existance is basically to follow your every order so that the world doesnt implode.

    Whereas the reality is that your looking like a total twat trying to exchange a frighteningly unfashionable pair of brown chords in front of me in the queue in Marks & Sparks for a larger pair, at the same time as yapping into that little mouthpiece whereas we all know that its your mum on the other end asking if you've still got the shits after that dodgy shepards pie in the berni inn last night.

    You twat.

    More X Factor...

    Posted: 23-10-2007 12:25:49
    Sharon Osbourne has walked out, thats about as newsworthy as one of former boybland 'Another Level' stubbing his toe on the tv cabinet.

    And not even the one that shafted the vacant melon smuggler Jordan, but one of the others, I dunno, that Bobak bloke perhaps.

    X Factor why?

    Posted: 22-10-2007 10:29:53
    It has been a long established fact that if you watch X factor you are a bumbling simpleton with no more right to live on gods clean earth than a weasel. However whilst waiting fer t'rugby to start on saturday I inadvertadly caught 5 minutes of it.

    What a steaming pile of talentless turd, christ these people are bad. There was a brother sister duo who sounded like the musical equivilent of Barry from Auf Weidersien pet with a paper cut in his scrotum, is was awful.

    And then you are judged by Danni Minougue, yeah thats right, your laying you arse out for Danni 'I had a song out about 10 years ago and me sister nearly croaked' Minougue. As if its not bad enough having Ozzy Osbourne's haggered wife trying to poke a boney finger up yer marmite motorway. They might as well get Eddie 'the eagle' Edwards in Danni's so irrelevent.

    Like a blunt pencil, it's pointless.

    Getting me bronze on

    Posted: 19-10-2007 15:38:15
    Well i'm back after a well earned rest.

    The domincan republic is a fantastic place, lovely people, lovely food, lovely hotel, just plain lovely. I wont bore you with the details of what we did as it was sod all actually. Wake, eat, sunbathe, swim, sunbathe, eat, sunbathe, swim, eat, bed, repeat x14.

    One thing we did see was some turtles getting a bit of a tan going, as you can see they are all jostling for position whilst craning their heads towards the sun. Can't blame em really.

    Getting a bronze on





















    Other news is we had a new kitchen fitted whilst we were away. Oh and I got engaged to Mrs Loaf.

    So its good news all round.

    See ya

    Posted: 01-10-2007 11:30:16
    Four notable things happened this weekend

    1: We finally emptied the kitchen for the new one to be installed while we are away.

    2: I discovered this great new restaurant in Sutton called Pier 39 you should try it, it's lush.

    3: I saw Transformers and thought it was great.

    4: I didnt step foot in a pub all weekend and stayed in on saturday night.

    Well i'm logging out for 2 weeks as I am going to lap up the sun in the Dominican Republic. I could be some sort of sad muppet who checks their emails and logs in on holiday, but to be honest, that aint gonna happen.

    Hospitals

    Posted: 27-09-2007 13:00:55
    Walsall Manor Hospital employs over 3100 staff, treats over 10,000 patients a day and has 4 Car Parking spaces, three of which are disabled.

    This meant that I had to leave the hospital walk down the road, turn left onto the estate, then left, first right and about 100yds down the road I found a space to park my car.

    After asking for the Endocrinology (whatever that means) department many times I eventually was directed to a building over the raod. Unfortunatly the Endocrinology department shares the same building as the Sexual Health Clinic. A room full of more miserable people I have never seen, obviously i quickly scarpered to the bit i needed to go to in case someone thought i had the clap.

    I was then dealt with a gorgous russian or polish doctor who, although was absolutely stunning, was a complete witch and wants to put me on beta blockers and cancel my holiday as she didnt know if my malaria mediaction would interupt the medican she has given me or not.

    I told her to bike it, the Dominican Republic here I come!!!

    Loggers..

    Posted: 26-09-2007 15:34:13
    ..Are shit.

    If you had seen the last of this series of tribe with Bruce Parry, then you wouldn't contest this.

    If you haven't, then you wanna get educated you halfwit and stop oggleing Fanni Minougue on X Factor.

    Birthday Celebrations

    Posted: 24-09-2007 11:41:23
    Well saturdays party went very well, Sadie got loads of gifts and I got very drunk, top banana. I'll post the photos up today or tommorrow, there seems to be a lot of stick on moustaches though.

    I saw 1408 yesterday, what a complete waste of time. Its got Samuel L Jackson on the cover even though he's in it for about 7 minutes. The film is completely impenetrable as it is made up of a series of flashbacks, hallucinations and psychic visions.

    Seriously dont waste your time.

    Dante's Inferno

    Posted: 20-09-2007 09:40:01
    Yesterday on my day off I wondered into Walsall to do a bit of shopping. At around 12:30 I was feeling a bit peckish so i popped into McDogs as i havent had one in about 2 years.

    Jesus christ its like stepping into the jaws of hell on a wednesday afternoon, it's awful. The place was packed with fat tattood teenage mums with massive earings pushing several rodent faced squealing children (also with massive earings). They are accompanied by their walking asbo boyfriends sporting filthy trainers with the greasiest hair imaginable and the intellect of a tin of peas. They both order double cheeseburgers, fries, a bucket of cola (go large), with chicken nuggets and an extra cheese burger and 5 of those little pots of ketchup EACH!!! as well and the usual joy in a shiny box for the rodent, oh and extra nuggets for him as well.

    The place is full of these bumbling imbeciles all shouting at the top of their voice at each other and screaming at the rodents to shut up, it horrible.

    To be honest its put me off going.

    Shiver me timbers

    Posted: 18-09-2007 16:17:52
    Its national talk like a pirate day tommorrow.

    Aaaaaarrrrgghhhhhh etc etc.

    8.2% Cider

    Posted: 17-09-2007 10:58:19
    Its a force to be reckoned with i tell you. I almost went blind in one eye, but it was well worth the visit to the beer festival on saturday for Matt's birthday. He's had today off to recover though, the wendy.

    I had an excellent curry on Friday which more than made up for the pigswill that was served up last week. I was very hot, although i didn't put the naan on me head :(

    Its the enemy's birthday party this weekend so there will be much rejoicing, theres about 50 of us having a party at all bar one in Brindley place on Saturday, feel free to pop in.

    I think i've said it before but Ainsley Harriot is a dirty food fingering freak with a tongue like a gammon steak. I just thought people needed to be reminded.

    It gets worse

    Posted: 14-09-2007 11:40:55
    This morning I was a bit slow getting out of bed so the enemy had already polished her bum (or whatever women do in the morning, move large furniture and swear a lot by the sound of it) and this is what greeted me as i went into the kitchen.

























    Words fail me.

    Too Late

    Posted: 13-09-2007 09:32:09
    I wondered into the kitchen this morning all bleary eyed and saw that the cereal police had already excercised portion control and my cereal had been pre-weighed and was sitting on the scales.

    I think the milk's gonna be next :(

    Dark KitKat

    Posted: 12-09-2007 13:23:00
    The dark chocolate Kitkat is infinatly superior to its milk choloclate cousin. Try both and you'll see i'm right.

    I waited for the cereal police to straighten its hair in the other room this mornin while I poured out my cereal. I only poured out 40g honest ;).

    Cereal Gestapo

    Posted: 11-09-2007 13:54:32
    The cereal police are monitoring this blog as I have just been informed that I had in fact consumed 50g not my entitlement of 40g.

    I was unaware of this bumper portion as i sulkily munched my breakfast and still feel hard done by.

    Cereal Police

    Posted: 11-09-2007 12:19:11
    The cereal police are at work in our kitchen enforcing strict portion control. Half of my breakfast was put back in the box this morning after it emerged I had poured out 70g rather than the requisit 40g. I tried to protest but she just told me to shut up :(

    I know i'll get into trouble for saying it (again) but women drivers taking your kids to school, you just can't drive so dont bother. Anyway that little 12 year old is a right fat knacker, so a bit of excerise will do him good, make him walk the idle little shit, I had to.

    Hole in the wall

    Posted: 10-09-2007 11:50:44
    Friday night i went for an utterly pedestrian curry from Planet Spice, it was pretty awful so I wont be returning there in a hurry.

    On Saturday we knocked a hole in the wall of the kitchen for the fridge, it was a messy business but a good job well done. We did short out the electrics in the entire flat at one point but hey ho, these things happen.

    Then on sunday I went to my Brother in laws for a BBQ in their new home in Shifnal. He's got a great Trampoline in the garden 'for the kids', I nearly put me hip out on it.

    Today I phoned up about blood test results for my as yet unconfirmed disease and was evidently put through to the cleaner. Either that or they are employing chimps at the surgery, either way they havent got them but they should be arriving 'soon'.

    Poorly Loaf

    Posted: 07-09-2007 15:09:03
    I think I may have an overactive Thyroid

    The condition is called Hyperthyroidism and the symptoms are Weight Loss, Massive Appetite and the shakes. Funnily enough I thought all these were due to the drink, but evidently not.

    I'll fill you in when i know a bit more :(

    Bad Sweets

    Posted: 04-09-2007 15:08:18
    Gav has bought some turkish delight in from his hols (in Turkey funnily enough)

    Anyway they are a bit shit to be fair, pretty tasteless and very chewy, not like the proper frys authentic turkish delight we get over here. They wanna sort their act out the turks, they'll never get into the European Union on the basis of this.

    That said though, I cant stop eating the damn things, i must have had 6 in the last hour. Although I must say I am drawn to a odd tasting sweet, ask the enemy, she'll back me up. Our cupboard used to be full of perculiar sweets that I purchased, ate 3 of and never touched again. One lot tasted of washing up liquid.

    Tis True.

    And while were on the subject

    Posted: 03-09-2007 13:44:58
    If you've got about 80 tickets to buy for your sodding lottery syndiacte with the numbers on crappy bits of paper that have been through the wash, here's a little tip. Don't wait until lunchtime on a friday when there is the biggest queue in the shop to decide that your gonna buy em.

    And if for some reason your mentally subnormal and have the common sense of an onion bhaji, and you feel this this is the only time to buy them, then for christs sake make sure you have the cash ready before you get there. What you shouldn't do is fidgit around in your over sized hand bag (that must be that big to contain all the make up neccessary to make that pug ugly face look halfway acceptable), rooting around for bloody £80 in ten pence sodding pieces for 10 minutes whilst everyone in the queue is fantasizing simultaneously about clubbing you to death with that can of diet vimto that you've just bought and ramming that oversize twix where the sun doesnt shine.

    Your a bigger twat than him yesterday.

    ARRRGHH

    Posted: 30-08-2007 15:43:23
    If you're an incompetent idiot with the intellect of a cheese & pickle sandwich, why oh why do you try to use the self scanning point at tesco up the road.

    Its not bloody rocket science you bumbling simpleton, you scan your nasty looking sandwich, put the money in the slot and sod off.

    What you dont do is accidentally scan the thing three times, press every sodding button on the screen and then scan it again for good measure, then try to call the cashier over and say that it was like it when you got there and when she's cleared it off, spend 5 minutes wondering where the money goes.

    Yeah I'm talking about you in your ill fitting brown suit and crash helmet hairdo like your some unwanted extra in a George & Mildred episode you pathetic stumblegoon, yeah you idiotic technophobe.

    You twat.

    Cider Baby

    Posted: 28-08-2007 11:17:23
    Well the White Horse itself was a bit dissapointing as you cant really see it as you are actually standing in it, however the countryside is breathtaking.

    One of the things that came away from the weekend is my Niece Katies' affection for Cider. Stowford Press to be exact although she was keen on the Westons Organic as well.

    This may not seem unusual in itself, however she is only 1.




























    I'm camping

    Posted: 23-08-2007 16:58:40
    Well not at this minute obviously, everyone knows I have a phobia of electronic devices away from the office. If your one of them idiots with a Twatberry eagerly checking their email every 10 minutes then more fool you, get a life you loser.

    But tommorrow i'm camping by the white horse, which isnt a pub (well it is but not this one), its a big chalk horse on the side of a hill. The enemy read about it in the Guardian, so thats where we are off to.

    I'm hoping we're not doing a tour of 'Big white things painted into the side off hills' else our next stop is gonna be that bloke with the huge knob.

    After that though, I dunno?????, the 'Sidmouth Donkey' or the 'Laverstock Panda' perhaps. I'm not making these up you know.

    Apparently...

    Posted: 22-08-2007 17:10:35
    ...Bonnie Langford is still alive.

    I though the poor cow bought the farm years ago, or was that Zavaroni?

    Pointless vandalism

    Posted: 20-08-2007 09:31:22
    Vandals are idiots.

    This was verified yet again for me this morning when on the way to work i saw 2 'for sale' signs that had been smashed and the 20 yards past that a bus stop with all the windows kicked in, which when you think about it is even more idiotic as the plebian twats are more likely to use a bus so will be forced to stand in the rain.

    And what annoyed me even more was that only 50 yards further on there is a new speed camera which has been left untouched.

    Idiots.

    Kate Nash

    Posted: 16-08-2007 16:19:01
    Like Lily Allen only shitter, and as you can imagine thats some pretty stiff competition

    Vanished

    Posted: 14-08-2007 15:29:33
    The crazy cleaning ladies have scarpered, they must read me blog.

    Window Washers at the Scott Arms

    Posted: 13-08-2007 16:13:20
    I had a great time in the Wales, even went to the beach and everything, bonus.

    On Friday going home, I pulled up to the Scott Arms traffic lights as normal, when some crazy eastern european woman flung herself at me car and started feverishly rubbing me windows with a rather worse for wear squeegie and a bottle of evian filled with washing up liquid. Obviously I told her to sling her hook so she skulked off muttering some gypsy curse and hassled some fat bird in a punto.

    Is this the way things are going, you cant walk around town without someone trying to get you to fill in a questionaire about some margarine that you've never heard of that gives you dysentry, or some strange device that you stick in your throat to make you quack like a duck or some religous type damning you to eternal damnation for wearing flip flops. At least you could drive home knowing you were safe from these nutters, at least for the journey home.

    However it now appears this isnt so :(

    Off to the Wales

    Posted: 10-08-2007 15:56:26
    I'm goin to a bbq on sunday in the Wales. Dunno what i'll eat though, do they have proper food over there? I'll stick a couple of tins of beans & a loaf in me bag just in case.



    I'm back baby

    Posted: 08-08-2007 10:25:19
    We'll I have returned from the Big Chill and can I just say what a wonderful event it is. I have 4 sunkissed days with some great friends, listening to the most wonderful music and drinking a phenomenal amount of alcohol, it was just bliss.

    Highlights for me were Sir Norman Jay, who really does bring the sunshine in his record box, Mr Scruff who played a blinding set, Seasick Steve (redneck blues 3 string guitar player), The Blockheads (still brilliant even without Ian Dury) and loads more....

    I also had a few days off afterwards and have been to see the new Simpsons movie which is great and well worth a watch.

    I have uploaded the Big Chill pictures here, but must warn you that I am certainly worse for wear in a few of them.

    Useless

    Posted: 01-08-2007 09:32:29
    Another day goes by and Matt & Ed still havent started their pictures.

    It's pathetic

    Cherry Picture Comp

    Posted: 31-07-2007 10:51:18
    Do you know I predicted 2 weeks ago that the 2 people who wouldnt have got their pictures ready in time would have been useless Priestnall and last minute Ridding and guess what I was proved right.

    I cant believe Ed's just shouted 'Where can I get some paints from' 2 weeks after we were given the deadline of today. Useless, bloody useless.

    Marlon Brando

    Posted: 30-07-2007 10:58:21
    I went to my niece's christening on Sunday as I am the godfather and had an excellent time. There were 2 babies being christened that day and it was obvious that the weirdo new age vicar preferred ours. The other one was a particularly ugly baby to be honest and looked like it had only been out of the womb half an hour.

    Unless you have been hiding under a rock then you are already fully aware that I am big chillin this weekend. I shall provide a full report next wednesday but needless to say it will have been messy.



    Princess Tiaamii

    Posted: 25-07-2007 16:50:43
    This is the name of Jordan & Peter Andre's new baby.

    I'm sure people will already know my views on the vacuous melon smuggling waste of space and her hanger on, but for the love of god why destroy the life of an infant by branding it with such a ridiculous name.

    Andre (who is more and more starting to resemble a greasy greek waiter) apparently came up with the name after Jordan rejected 'Tinkerbell' as too many celebrities had chosen it for their dogs. She also said "I'm going to get a tattoo on the back of my neck with a crown and 'Princess' underneath." Does the term 'Bad Taste' just pass some people by.

    Anyway what's Andre doing still kicking about. I thought he had some incurable brain disease last week whilst his missus was probably discussing funeral coverage with 'OK' magazine. Quite clearly there a miraculous medicines available to celebs that us mere mortals dont get. Next time I get black water fever, i'll just get Sue Pollard to pop into boots for me.

    Also she claims Dean Gaffney as one of her mates, how many more reasons do you need to hate her, she just keeps lining em up. ARRRRRGHHHHHH!

    Quite clearly

    Posted: 24-07-2007 09:41:36
    £125,000 isn't a quarter of a million, and i am an idiot for saying it is.

    Bournemouth

    Posted: 23-07-2007 15:44:01
    Was great it is no longer land of the dead.

    We went to the camel bar where people were smoking sheesh's (huge water pipes filled with some sort of wood / herbal mixture that wasnt tobacco - I gave it a swerve). Then we went downstairs to an empty disco where the DJ played whatever we wanted. Yer own private disco fer £2, can't be bad.

    Also we went look at the beach huts which start at around £125,000. Thats a quarter of a million and basically you are getting a shed for christs sake . Some people have more money than sense. I'm sure you could get one in cleethorpes for about £17.

    I dunno if I have mentioned before but there is a great show started called 'Dexter'. I think its on the sci-fi channel or summat, but it's really good. Its basically about a forensic cop who sidelines as a serial killer, only killing other serial killers / general bad eggs. Anyway hunt it out, it's worth it.

    Oaticrap

    Posted: 20-07-2007 11:02:35
    You know when someone farts and says 'Christ you'd better move that's a bit lively ' and you dont move straight away as you need to smell it first to decide whether it really does stink, sort of grade it out of 10 before announcing 'Jesus Christ that stinks, is something dead up there' whilst wishing you had taken their advise and got the hell out of the way.

    Well, weetabix's new cereal 'Oatibix' (although prehaps Vomibix would have been a better title) has been described by at least 4 people i know as 'like eating carpet tiles' or 'Jessus has something died in there?'. Anyway rather than believe what turned out to be excellent advice, i thought i'd give it a go.

    To be honest I only got them as the new ASDA was selling them at £1.70 instead of the usual £3.00 that i have seen them, so the enemy put them in the basket. You should check out the new ASDA in Walsall its quite good. Anyway this morning I decided to give them a go.

    HOLY JESUS MOTHER OF MARY what is this stuff. For a start do you remember that stuff on tommorrows world that absobed a glass of water and turned it into jelly. Did you ever wonder what happened to that? Well here's the answer. Half a pint of sodding milk these two small biscuits managed to mop up and the bowl is bone dry.

    And then i decide to give it a taste. Bugger me it's rank. There's barely any taste at all and what there is tastes like the sweepings up in a brewery. Even if you pimped it up with all the berries in the world you couldnt make this tasteless sludge edible.

    So to all you people out there that told me it was crap, you were right, and if anything has been learnt here it's clearly. DONT EAT OATIBIX, even Beelzebub himself would say 'to be honest mate I'll think i'll have a Shredded Wheat instead'

    Ground Zero

    Posted: 16-07-2007 16:11:09
    Blimey its a bit windy in the Wales.

    My super new Gazebo was given its first and unfortunatly its last appearance. As, in what can only be described as a gale of Biblical proportions, the once proud green erection was transformed into a twisted mass of metal and canvas to the point where someone remarked that it looked the scene after the twin towers collapsed. Sunday saw the remains dragged off to the bin (which was full of gazebos that had met a similar fate).

    I didnt take any photos of it as it was too painful, however the pain was soon numbed with 'Henry Westons Vintage Reserve Cider'. It's a bit urgent at 8.2%, but I didnt fancy the flagon of 'Cripple Cock' which was doing the rounds.

    All in all an excellent time was had by everyone and I heartily recommend camping at Shell Island, just dont set up in a force nine gale.

    Yum.

    Posted: 11-07-2007 15:33:43
    I have just got back from the most fantastic food I have ever eaten. I spent 3 days at the Yorke Arms in Yorkshire and had a Michelin Starred chef cook for me, it was mindblowing.

    Last night, chef preared a 9 course tasting menu for us (with a slight alteration for the 2 veggies). Although to be honest the couple of meat dishes looked so fantastic I could have eaten them.

    This is what I had including the wines with each course.















































    I Predict

    Posted: 03-07-2007 09:45:56
    That in a year from now nobody will use MySpaz.

    All it is, is mateless fools bragging how they have 254,879 'friends' communicating in pigeon English with bands with names like Goatknob desperatly begging people to come and see them support Rectal Prolapse at the Frog & Marmite in Camden.

    And thats if you can read the bloody things with lurid backgrounds, crap plugins that produce slideshows of peoples uttlerly miserable existance and massive 3000 pixel high flyers for the abovementioned Goatknob designed by an epileptic monkey. And the crowning turd is the awful music that starts as soon as you hit the page which usually sounds as if it has been recorded in the back of a moving furniture van through a sock.

    Also to make matters worse (which is difficult I know), the whole movement has fallen victim to spammers who insisit that you check out their latest 'XANAX PEN15 GO LARGE!! GENUINE ROLEX HORNY HOUSEWIVES ONLY $3 PER PILL' offer.

    The day I get a myspace page is the day I go swimming with Barrymore

    Raved!

    Posted: 02-07-2007 12:06:18
    Well an excellent time was had by all at 'Wild in the country' the mud was a bit full on but thank god for wellies, but underworld totally rocked.

    As we lounged around yesterday, I was unfortunate enough to catch bits of the Diana Concert, jeesus christ what a shower of shite that turned out to be, poor cow must be spinning in her grave at the though of Duran Duran arthiritically shuffling about stage with some of the dodgiest hairstyles in rock.

    And what was with Ricky Gervais singing 'Free love on the freelove freeway' with Garath wailing 'She's Dead' during the chorus.

    Bit in bad taste innit?

    Raving in me wellies

    Posted: 28-06-2007 10:47:57
    Will the rain just bugger off !!

    It's one thing to rain during Glastonbury, but enough already. I am now facing the prospect of raving in me wellies and pac-a-mac this weekend and I dont fancy it one bit.

    Also I'm not doing verry well in the office Wimbledon fantasy league, although thats probably something to do with the fact I know bugger all about tennis.

    On a happier note, Chantelle and Preston have gone tits up, so hopefully she wont be mithering the airwaves anymore with her infantile ramblings the vacuous sow, and he was a tosser as well with his cod ska outfit. Good riddance to both of em.

    No mud fer me.

    Posted: 25-06-2007 12:03:33
    Well Glastonburys over, and although there was the occasional pang of jelousy while I watched the coverage on the TV, on the whole I'm glad I gave it a swerve. As a veteran of muddy Glastonbury, it looked like too much work moving around.

    TV hightlights:

    Kasabian were quite good
    The Stooges Jesus, health and safety can't have been happy at all those people on stage. Cracking tunes though.

    On Friday I went to Tunnel Vision, which was fantastic. I travelled under birmingham in a series of secret tunnels and at the end was the crazy strobe which looked ace.

    I'm going to see underworld this weekend, hope it stops bloody raining.


    Tonights Escapades

    Posted: 22-06-2007 13:57:14
    In Birmingham a network of tunnels and shafts stretches right across the city, some of them secret and forgotten, all of them seldom visited.

    Stretching over 1⁄2 km long, Tunnel Vision will be installed in one of Birmingham's longest underground tunnels - the disused Royal Mail tunnel connecting the former mail sorting office at The Mailbox to New Street Station.

    A fusion of architecture, light, multi-layered abstract surround sound and your own imagination will evoke the atmosphere and history of the tunnel, recreating the sounds of the postal railway service as trains appear to move along the length of the disused track appearing to pass right through your body.

    Sounds great, i'll let you know how it went on monday.

    Underworld here I come.

    Posted: 21-06-2007 17:31:56
    One of my favorite bands Underworld have announced a UK tour, and every date is when I am in the Dominican Republic in October.

    However they are playing at the 'Wild in the Country' one day festival on the 30th June, the tickets are a bit pricey at £42.00, but sod it, I had the chance to see Daft Punk the other week and I chickened out, so i'll not do it again.

    Rave on!

    Eye of The Hurricane

    Posted: 18-06-2007 10:51:44
    I bought me dad the new Alex Higgins book for fathers day, he's over the moon. He was a huge Higgins fan back in the day and travelled all over to see him play.

    On Friday I went to the Architecture Week launch and saw a woman high kick all the way down the side of the Mailbox. Better however, was shopping in the food section of Harvey Nicks. I bought some great Orange and Basil salad dressing (for the salad I have made for lunch today). I also bought some chilli chocolate :)

    Afterwards I went for a curry in Caldmore. To be honest it wasnt bad but I was really put off by the woman behind me sending hers back as the chicken wasnt cooked, which made me fearful of me King Prawn Jalfreizi.

    I think i'll give it a swerve in future, besides the place next door is much better. They do the hottest curry in europe and let you put the naan bread on yer head.

    I'm the height of sophistication me!

    Throw an Egg at Dean Gaffney

    Posted: 15-06-2007 11:53:02
    I've built a new game for Kerrang radio.

    Its called Celebrity Swears and you throw eggs at celebs and they swear.

    Dean Gaffney's in it and to be honest I just burst into fits of laughter everytime I think of his pointless existance.

    Dean Bloody Gaffney, christ i'm cracking up thinking about him !!!!

    Sheilk Yerbooty

    Posted: 11-06-2007 09:45:10
    As I mentioned on Friday, We had a murder mystery party at the weekend. It was originally planned for the 7th April but had to be postponed until this Saturday.

    Anyway 10 of us all dressed up like day release and had a great time, and my accent which was supposed to be American drifted from Mexican to Italian and Oz (who was supposed to be an alcoholic Robin Hood sounded like Bob Marley The cocktails were a bit suspect was well as a whole bottle of Tequilla, a whole bottle of triple seq, and one small lime does not make a marqarita.

    Photos are here if yer interested, I'm not sure what the point of the wigs was as Andew looked like Curly Watts and Lesley looked like Toyah on Speed.

    Oh the murder was actually committed by Sadie, so well done Lesley for getting it, the rest of us were clueless.

    This weekend

    Posted: 08-06-2007 17:40:42
    I am hosting a Murder Mystery party dressed as an Arab

    Full details to follow

    Umberella my arse

    Posted: 04-06-2007 09:51:24
    On Friday I went to Bank for dinner. That place has really gone downhill. I had the utterly pedestrian tomato & grilled veg risotto and a thoroughly underwhelming white peach mousse, and was shafted for £50 for the privilege. We then left to meet the lads in the pub for killer on the dartboard & Gav thrashed us all.

    Then we went to the theatre to see Pam Ann (Australian comedienne dressed as an Air Hostess), who was hilarious. Then, rather than wait for 20 mins in the queue for the car park we went to the Victoria for a beer and the worst karaoke in the world.

    Apart